3 Ways Trauma Continues To Play Out In Relationships
By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
There is a reason for everything that happens. You may wonder why on earth some of the events occurred when they continue to plague you long after the event? Our trauma in childhood may very well become our greatest challenges in adulthood. Ignoring the emotional reverberations can cause major issues in all your relationships. These issues can plague you beyond your last break-up or divorce if you don’t pay attention to clear the past events.
What Is Trauma?
Trauma is an event that shatters your sense of security, causing emotional pain, suffering or even fear long after the event has ended. Rape, sexual and emotional abuse are the biggest issues that cause trauma. Emotional trauma is a form of PTSD.
The trauma could be a parent or teacher humiliating us in front of our class. It could be a doctor, parent, sibling or babysitting sexually molesting us. It could be a critical parent who only knew criticism themselves and replicated their parents tough taskmaster roles in our lives. For others, trauma could be having a parent or parents who were addicted to alcohol or drugs and were emotionally unavailable to us. A parent who makes a child responsible for their happiness also causes trauma.
How Does Trauma Affect Us?
Trauma can cause constant fears, anxiety, depression, inability to trust others, numbness (both physically and emotionally). What I have noticed with myself and my clients is that when we are triggered we go back to that moment in time when we felt powerless, unsafe and unprotected. It as if time stands still and we revert to our childhood state when the trauma occurred.
When Will Trauma Occur?
- When you were unprepared for it
- When we feel unable to prevent it or protect ourselves
- It happens repeatedly
- You felt powerless to prevent it
- It happened in childhood
- Someone was intentionally cruel
How Trauma Continues To Replay
- You are triggered by a smell, touch or thing (this could be the smell of soap, a dog that was part of the event). For me, although I love dogs, I can’t see a pug without remembering my neighbor who molested me when I was five. Pugs give me the creeps. The smell of comet cleanser is another trigger for me due to the same event. It is a visceral memory.
- Someone touches you in a way that triggers a past memory of the traumatic event. It could be a loving partner who touches you in a way, that is reminiscent of the sexual abuse or trauma.
- Your current partner might say a phrase that triggers a memory that brings you back to the event, years afterwards.
How Can You Overcome The Past?
Trying to forget it doesn’t work. You can overcome the trauma with energy work, hypnotherapy, and Repatterning. This is work I do with my clients in sessions. Spiritual re-parenting, removal of the past beliefs, and patterns will help you to move forward out of the pattern which is like PTSD. Just like a soldier who continues to re-live the trauma of what he or she has been through, childhood trauma is a form of PTSD.
Suggestions To Work Through Trauma
Emotional trauma does not go away on its own. Our unconscious mind is where the event is stored, causing reactions to be triggered for innocuous events seemingly out of nowhere. Keeping secrets about sexual abuse, rape, incest and the like cause deep suffering that never goes away. Working on the unconscious patterning is what I do in my coaching. As a survivor of most types of trauma, I have worked through my own issues over 32 years of deep introspection and inner work. I use these techniques to help you shift your inner and outer world. There are some things you can do to help yourself recover.
- Speak up! Most survivors of trauma shut down and shut up. This does not help you recover. It perpetuates the behavior instead of allowing it to be released. Talk to your partner, spouse, or hire someone like me that knows what they are doing to help you recover.
- Know Your Triggers. No one knows you like you. You know what triggers you. Let your partner and loved ones know so that they understand your reactions.
- Ask Permission To Touch. The most powerful thing I received in Tantra was having my partner ask, “May I touch you here?” It empowers you, allows you to feel safe, and instills trust. Without trust, you can’t have an orgasm. Have your partner ask your permission to touch, hug, or kiss you before they swoop in and grab you. Those who have never experienced sexual trauma are ill equipped to understand your pushing them away. It causes unnecessary hurt feelings.
- Practice. You have been living with this trauma for most of your life. It takes some time to overcome old behaviors. Practice asking for what you need. Your safety and trust of others is paramount for your happiness. If you feel you always have to look over your shoulder for the next blow, you will always have anxiety.
- Get Professional Help. I did group therapy, private sessions with a Psychotherapist and none of it helped me. Often repeating your story does nothing but keep you in the old patterns. My sense is that the best form of therapy is healing that allows you to shift perspective, removes emotions and blocks that keep you stuck in the same patterns. You have to work with someone who understands your type of trauma and has healed their own. Working with someone that still has their own issues, won’t help you.
Reasonably Priced Programs To Help You
I have several programs on my website that offer clearings, and energy work that will help you shift in powerful and positive ways. Happiness Jump Happiness – At The Beginning is a three part three-hour audio series that clears what is blocking you from being happy and walks you through what you need to do and not do to be happy right now. $98.00 – $675 Value!
Aphrodite Effect (Journey Into Radiance clears your love story helps you recognize where you might be off track with your past relationships, allowing you to be ALL IN! In part three I walk you through manifesting your BELOVED PARTNER! $98.00 for three hours of deep inner work and energy clearing. Over $675 value!
The Shift Clearings are all three-part audio series that offer deep energy clearing of anxiety, worry, fears, blocks to love and finally financial blocks to abundance as well as teachings to help you right now. At $98.00 for three hours of intense work this is a very special value. Over $675 value!
In my first book, Odyssey Victim to Victory, I tell my story of healing. I went from man to man looking for love because I confused sex with love. It was the pattern imprinted in childhood. People I trusted hurt me and overstepped my personal boundaries repeatedly. I was clinically depressed for over 20 years. I got married and divorced because I didn’t love myself and attracted men who victimized me because of the pattern of victimhood. Until I removed the trapped emotions, patterns and self-sabotage, I continued to attract the same type of men.
The sexual trauma caused me to have numbness in my body. I was unable to orgasm with a partner. Which is why I wrote Orgasm For Life in 2014. It is no longer a problem for me. I write about sexual healing in Orgasm For Life for those who want to heal this on their own.
My past no longer defines me. I am happy. I love myself fearlessly. On my healing journey, I became a hypnotherapist, a hypnotherapy trainer, a certified Master Energy healer, A certified Akashic Record Practitioner, and worked on myself and my unconscious programs. It took me 30 years doing it on my own. How much time do you have to devote to your recovery? You deserve to be happy. You deserve to recognize your value. I did it on my own, now I help others to heal their trauma so that they can have the love they deserve. Visit my website for further information on my work. Aphroditeeffect.com Sign up for my private newsletters that offer insights and special offers. Or e-mail me to set up a private session with me.