Cheating Boyfriends and Other Life Lessons
What We Model For Our Children
Generational programming is a large part of what is playing out in our lives as well as our children’s. If our parents had a dysfunctional relationship where abuse, adultery or other issues were present, you can bet that you too will have difficulty with similar issues. You may eventually extricate yourself from these issues, but the journey will be difficult and could involve lots of marriages or relationships and plenty of challenges within those relationships.
When We Stay For The Sake Of Our Children
|Ariel on her 17th Birthday in Sausalito, CA|
If you stay in an abusive relationship “for your children,” like I did, your children learn that abuse is part of a relationship. They often grow up with low self esteem because of the abuse. Then they in turn attract partners that abuse them in some way. In my marriage lies and cheating were part of my husband’s make up. I have gotten over these issues, but my daughter has attracted young men with similar issues into her life.
When your spouse lies and cheats these patterns are also transferred to our children. After witnessing my son’s issues with cheating girlfriends and now Ariel’s similar issues, I decided it was time to clear the 7 Generations Backwards and Forwards of the generational issue of attracting liars and cheaters.
|The Golden Gate Ferry Ariel’s first boat ride|
Sins Of The Father
Whatever behavior is modeled in your marriage will be passed on to your children. If you live with a husband who lies and cheats, the chances are great that your daughter will attract someone who lies and cheats. This was evident in my daughter’s relationship. I found it very interesting that she attracted 3 boyfriends in a row who cheated and lied. When my friend Bill pointed out that this pattern evident in my marriage to my daughter’s father, I felt as if I had been hit with a lightning bolt! If you model a beautiful loving relationship for your children, their chances for a successful relationship and marriage down the road is 85% more likely.
Denial is the other half of the equation. We often get information from a friend, as Ariel did, and it’s important to weigh the information carefully. A friend called Ariel to inform her that her boyfriend was cheating on her. Ariel asked him about it and of course, he denied it. Trust was broken, but until there was positive proof my daughter gave her boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. Ariel remembers her father cheating on me, when she was 7 years old. She was a very alert child and wise beyond her years. I had my own suspicions. I asked him about it and was left feeling foolish and small for even thinking that way. Betrayal is a painful realization. However continuing in a marriage where trust is broken leaves you doubting yourself and your own wisdom. Paying attention to what our children see that we don’t is important.
Why do we choose not to see it? We don’t want it to be true. Therefore we discount the information as false and continue to ignore the behavior. However, when lying and cheating is a part of someone’s make up, it is a character flaw. You can’t change it with your love. They have to want to change. Narcissistic people do not feel remorse for behavior. Avoiding them is the safest.Getting to know what the characteristics are of a narcissist will help you avoid them. They are unable to feel sympathy and are focused on what is best for them. Follow this link for more on narcissistic personality disorder. Not harmless behavior
energy field. An energy clearing raises your vibration helps to stop mind chatter and eliminates negativity and fear. When you are free of anxiety and fear, life is less reactive and you are able to be in a state of acceptance instead of resistance. If you have attracted several relationships in a row with abuse, lying or cheating an energy clearing will help you to eliminate these patterns.
Once the patterns are cleared coming into a place of Self Love is key. How do you love yourself? Read my next post: Adore Yourself and Be Adored.