How Healing Yourself Heals Your Relationships
For more than half of my life, I was negative, blaming others, especially my mother, for what happened to me during my childhood. I complained about my life and circumstances. I felt unloved and unworthy. I was angry and resentful into my late 30’s.
Following is a shortened version of how I found lasting happiness. It is my story of healing and metamorphosis. In 2012, I experienced a profound and life-changing awakening. It changed my life completely. Since that time, I have not felt a moment of fear, unhappiness, depression, loneliness, regret, guilt or shame. I am reprinting this article because it is a holiday and we often have issues with our family members and offspring during this time.
If you are looking for happiness, my story will help you. The key is when we find permanent happiness, our life circumstances, where we live, how much money we have and whether or not we are in a relationship has no bearing at all. None of those things bring you permanent happiness.
My mother and father were products of their home environments. My parents were negative and dysfunctional. The critiqued and judged everyone. They had opinions on everything and were know-it-alls to outsiders. It is no surprise that I was negative and dysfunctional also. My parents were very dependent on one another. My father had an addictive personality. My mother felt unloved and unworthy (she was orphaned at age 5).
When a boyfriend commented on how critical and negative I was, after gathering with a group of his friends, I felt ashamed. It was a big wake-up call for me. It was “normal” for me to be negative. It is what I grew up with. It was “normal” for me to be a victim. It was what I was programmed with. Being a “Know it all” was from our overblown egos an overcompensation for insecurity.
I grew up codependent, negative needy and a victim. I attracted men who disrespected and further victimized me, because I did not love myself. I had no idea that the reason I was in all these difficult relationships was because of ME! I had a huge aha moment after my third marriage ended when I created a way to look at all of our relationships and find the commonalities. What a huge wake up call! I was the common denominator in ALL of my relationships! I stopped blaming the men in my life.
|2014 with mom in Canada|
Over time, I healed myself and forgave my parents for everything. This was a process that I repeated many times. I learned as I went. My self-study helped me find easier and faster ways to overwrite the negative programming. My healing happened over 30 years. Now I have love and compassion for my parents for all they did and taught me. During my healing I developed tools that helped give me insight which allowed me to shift my perspective more rapidly.
I married a man who was handsome and intelligent. He had a very good business mind. He was able to create great wealth for our family. We had two beautiful children and a very affluent lifestyle. I had everything I had ever dreamed of materially, yet I felt lonely and unhappy in my marriage. The material wealth did not make me happy, as I thought it would. All the wealth did was emphasize how unhappy I was with my life.
When I found a lump in my breast in 2011, I knew I had to do more forgiveness work with my mother. Cancer is all about deep hurt and long-standing resentment. I certainly had been resentful of my mother in the past. Finding breast cancer was a sign that I had more letting go to do on a cellular level. Breast problems are all about
refusing to nurture the self and putting everyone else first. During my codependent years, I certainly did that. I changed my diet and did deep forgiveness work. I healed the cancer without surgery, chemo, or radiation. I changed my thinking. I loved and nurtured myself even more and forgave everyone.
My healing took me around the world, from Toronto to Maryland, London, England, Atlanta, Georgia, India, Bali, Boulder, Colorado and the desert of California over 30 years.
On the Ganges River at dawn
Early on, I read Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. I read Prescription For Nutritional Healing and began to heal my body. I had Fibromyalgia, Epstein Barr, an autoimmune disorder, depression, insomnia, anxiety and mind chatter. I discovered that my negative thoughts were killing me. I began focusing on changing my thought patterns. I focused on the positive. I worked diligently to think and feel positively. I heard for every negative thought, we had to think three positive thoughts to make up for it. I stayed diligent. My depression lifted. I began to sleep better. I felt more positive.
I went to see a hypnotherapist, in Atlanta. When I saw what amazing things Dr. Skillas did for me, I took his $3,500 course, and became certified as a hypnotherapist in 1998. After becoming proficient as a hypnotherapist, and Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner I felt that there was something more. I still needed old patterns and beliefs cleared. I had several amazing sessions with an energy healer. I saw the profound effect immediately. I felt lighter, more focused, had more clarity and was infinitely more positive. My fears diminished. I decided to take her course. I went on take the advanced program of study as well. My vibration raised with all my energy clearings. As my vibration became higher, I began to attract more positive situations, people and circumstances into my life.
During my second energy healing course, I heard about Ascension a deep meditation practice that quieted the mind. My mind was filled with chatter. I knew this was for me. This had a great impact
on me. Instead of hearing monkey chatter all the time, my mind was quiet. My quiet mind trickled over into all areas of my life. I was more able to focus, work and sleep. I was thinking more positively. I had stopped blaming everyone for where I was in my life. Now my mind was quiet as well.
My Ascension teachers went to India to become Blessing Givers and trainers at the Oneness University. They taught a course on Oneness. I traveled to Black Mountain, North Carolina to take their course with my friends that took the Spiritual Response Therapy courses with me. I became a Blessing Giver. The Oneness teaching worked on getting us to a place of no-mind. Deepak
Chopra, Tony Robbins and many others have taken the Oneness Deepening course to become awakened. Part of this involved forgiveness and healing of our relationships with our parents. For us to be healed, we have to heal all the way back to source, our childhood. I was no stranger to forgiveness, however, I had a very profound release when I did the work.
visited a Balinese healer there. I loved Bali and India. Both helped unwind me, allowing me to let go of old mental constructs that no longer served me. I began to tap into the flow with my writing. I was able to channel information. Writing became easy for me.
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In 2011, I wrote my first book, Odyssey Victim To Victory. This book was about my healing up until 2011. While doing chakra toning, I felt a pop and I had an awakening in 2011, then another in 2012. My life has never been the same. Loving myself, became the fastest way to heal all of my relationships. My compassion for myself brought compassion to others as well. The work I did on myself, translated into help for others struggling with breast cancer, self-worth and love issues. In 2012, I was guided to write a book about sex. I felt this was a departure from the self-love work, however, I was assured this was the path I must take. It took courage to take the leap into the sexual forum. I had plenty of experience, wisdom and understanding about sex and relationships. Orgasm For Life and my new radio show, All You Need Is Love, is a way to help others find the love they are looking for – within them.
importance for me it once did. I am happy with me. I am no longer looking for happiness, as it is always inside me. I feel whole, complete and manifest in the moment, helping others do the same. I have recognized that the thoughts we think create our reality. Instead of making closed-ended statements I often ask questions instead. Instead of beating myself up with disparaging and negative comments, I am kind and loving to myself. My thoughts are positive, loving and kind.
Most people when asked, feel that they will be happy when they have a certain amount of money, a relationship, lose weight or are successful. However, this is backward. Being happy will make you much more successful in everything you do including your relationships.
- Happy people are more successful. It has been scientifically proven that happy people are 31% more productive in their work. Doctors that are happy have a 19% increase in accuracy
of diagnosis than those who are not happy. Our brain performs better when we are happy, then when we are stressed, neutral or negative.
- When we raise the level of positivity in the present, our brains perform better, our creativity is increased, our intelligence rises.
- Dopamine floods the brain when you are happy allowing you to adapt to the world in more positive ways. It turns on all learning centers so that you learn faster.
- Happiness absolutely rewires the brain.
Self conquest is the greatest of all victories. ~Plato