Recognizing Insecurity and 10 Powerful Ways to Overcome It
By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Most of us have felt insecure at some time. When we feel insecure ALL the time, we have self love and self acceptance issues.
When I was a teen I and well into adulthood, I was extremely insecure. I had the market cornered on insecurity and neediness. I remember thinking, “She’s prettier than me! She’s thinner than me! He’s smarter than I will ever be! I can’t do math! I can’t be successful. I have to have someone who loves me to feel whole. My mother always loved my brother more than me. My father wouldn’t let me go to college!”
Stinking Thinking Sinks US
All these mental constructs are just stories that we make up that have little or no validity. When we believe the stories, is when we really get into a downward spiral. Comparing ourselves to others is never good. We are all unique. We all have our own gifts to share with the world. We are all one. Here are some ways to recognize insecurity and later I will give you ways to overcome it.
You May Be Insecure If
- You feel needy
- You are jealous – sometimes to the point of feeling insane
- You have self doubts
- You beat yourself up
- You complain
- You are reactive to what others say
- You compare yourself to others
- You need to have a partner to feel whole
- You are uncomfortable having others look at you
- You feel fat
- You feel too thin
- You feed stupid
- You feel inadequate
- You feel your mother didn’t love you
- You feel your father didn’t love you
- You have any addictions: shopping, sex, work, working out, pot, alcohol, meth, sugar, eating, binging, purging, cutting
- You have compulsive behaviors
- You are afraid – of anything
- You worry
- You obsess
- You are never on time
- You are not successful at what you do
- You have difficulty with abuse
- Your relationships are awful: cheaters, liars, abusers, bad boys, bad girls,
- You can’t find love
- You say mean things to others
- You bitch, moan, complain about your life
- Your life is filled with chaos
- Your life is filled with drama
- You are unhappy with you, life, your job, your boss, your partner
- You have no spiritual grounding
- You can’t meditate
- You look at yourself in the mirror and pick yourself apart
- You are estranged from any family member
- Aches, pains
- Adrenal issues – Addison’s disease
- Feel like a victim
- Blame others for your lot in life and unhappiness
- Low blood pressure (lack of love as a child)
- Breast problems and breast cancer – refusal to nourish the self
- You are a people pleaser
- You are not authentic, but the chameleon, changing who you are for different people and situations
- You may be a workshop junkie
- You may be a healing junkie going from healer to healer looking for the quick fix
- You may encourage arguments to prove how unlovable you are
- You may lash out at others to hurt them – because you are hurting
- You may push love away
- You may resist love
- You may feel unlovable and unworthy
- Your thoughts are negative
- You have a lot of mind chatter
- You feel like a victim
- You are looking to be rescued
- You may be lonely or feel alone even in a relationship
- You worry about what other’s think of you
Any of these traits depict insecurity. Feeling lack in any area of your life can make you feel insecure. I have been there and worn the T-shirt, and taken them all to Goodwill. What is wrong with being insecure? Plenty. Your relationships suck, you have challenges in most areas of your life and you are unhappy. Focusing on these areas and continuing to do nothing about it can lead to the following diseases:
Just A Few Examples of Diseases Caused By Self Hatred
- Cancer – holding onto deep hurt, hatred
- Arthritis – feeling unloved, criticism, resentment
- Fibromyalgia – self loathing, negativity, complaining
- Epstein Barr and any other auto immune disease
- Acne – rejection of self
- Bulimia – frantic stuffing of the self
Insecurity can ruin our relationships, success and steel our happiness. In my case, I went from one relationship to another, looking for love, acceptance and validation. Never finding it till I began to accept and love all of myself. It was a gradual process. When I began to see how my thoughts were literally killing me, I made the choice to do something about it. I studied hypnotherapy, when I saw that it helped me. I became a hypnotherapist and then a hypnotherapy trainer. I was helped by NLP, so I became certified in that modality. Energy healing helped me, so I became certified in Spiritual Response Therapy. I saw how coaching was needed, rather than traditional therapy to help others feel fully alive, secure and filled with self love. I have since gone on to combine all these modalities into the work I do with my clients. In the process of healing my life, I became enlightened. I created tools to help others heal their life that worked for me.
Happiness Is An Inside Job
We are each responsible for our own happiness. No one else can make us happy. No relationship can fill us up or make us feel less broken. We have to do that for ourselves. Thinking that we will be happy when we find the perfect job, relationship or move to the perfect place, is not going to bring it to you. Looking outside of ourselves for joy or happiness is not going to be lasting or permanent. Whether it is a new car, a home, a job, business, a relationship or even losing weight. All those things may bring a fleeting joy, but material things and other people do not make us happy, or secure.
How To Begin To Love Yourself and Feel Complete
- Stop blaming everyone. You are not a victim. Take Responsibility for your happiness.
- Happiness is a choice – choose to be happy each day.
- Be grateful for what you have. Prayers of gratitude remind you of all the good you do have and open you to receive more.
- Forgive everyone, beginning with yourself. Use the Ho’oponopono Prayer daily until you feel complete.
- Stop beating yourself up, saying you are an idiot or stupid, or worse.
- Use a mantra to reprogram your mind. A mantra needs to be positive simple and said either silently or out loud when your mind is in neutral. Meditation, peeling vegetables, washing dishes, putting on make-up, driving your car are all times when your mind is in neutral.
- Get an energy clearing to clear blocks and negativity as well as blocked emotions. When you are ready to step out you can even have the blocks in your heart cleared as well.
- Begin to have a soft focus on you. Look at yourself with loving eyes instead of criticism. Get to know who you are and what you love. What do you love about you? Write down 10 things that you love about you.
- What do you love to do? Do one thing on the list daily.
- Do something daily that nurtures your soul. If you love to take hot baths in candlelight, do that. If you love to work out – work out. Do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You are important. You are worthy. You are loved. The person you need to give love to is YOU!
When we love ourselves, others want to be around us. We become a magnet for higher consciousness people and more loving kindness. Good things begin to happen to us. The Universe supports us.
Jennifer is a self love coach and spiritual guide. She assists men and women love themselves fearlessly. She is an author and a healer. She can help you overcome the slew of issues listed on this blog above. Jennifer works with women overcoming breast cancer. She helps you reprogram your mind so that you don’t recreate it in your body. Jennifer is loving, compassionate and present. She has healed her own issues with self love, so she understands what you are going through. You can buy her book here.
Her website is: JenniferElizabethMasters.com
The fast way to enlightenment? SELF LOVE!