Where Do You FOCUS?
We are all individuals having our own experience. We have our own opinions. Through our thoughts we come to our own conclusions. Individuals can view the same thing. Each person will see something different even though they are viewing the exact, same thing. They view through their own filters. Our conditioning from our family of origin, life experiences from the past, is the lens we view life and relationships through. We all see very different things. Part of the human condition is to look at the negative aspect first, when we don’t have sufficient information. It is where our mind quickly goes. We judge. We criticize, or critique. When we move instantaneously into judgment, our ego mind is engaged, rather than our compassionate hearts. We need to guide our conscious mind to view things in a positive way, without judgment, and without our lens from past events. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. Which means everyone has a very different view of what is beautiful to them.
Joshua trees in the distance
After a month absence from my beloved Mojave desert, I walked early in the morning, while a slight frost was still on the ground. Everything was fresh and crisp. The sun was beginning to rise above the horizon and glinting off the broken glass here and there. I walked in silence looking across the vast expanse of silent sand. The Joshua trees and blooming Rabbitbrush dotted the flat, high plain. I feel a deep sense of peace and quiet here. One could walk for hours without seeing another human being. There are few places in the United States where only one exit from town can you be in the wilderness.
I took photos in all of the directions and wondered what others would think, if they were dropped out of an airplane and left here.
Would they hate it? What would they see? What would be a stranger’s focus?
|an unwanted above ground pool|
In relationships, we listen to our partners speak. We watch their every move and can look at them with love, compassion or judgment and criticism. I mused this early morning, that the way we look at landscape, or the world around us, can govern where we bring our focus in relationships. Each of us is a work in progress. That is why we are in a physical body on this planet, earth. Our purpose is to learn, grow and evolve. If we were perfect we would be somewhere else, playing a harp or singing in an angelic choir. We aren’t angels. We are humans. Flesh and blood with issues, challenges as well as limitations.
Each day we have choices. Where we choose to focus our attention is what we receive in return. If we are compassionate to others, we receive compassion in return. If we constantly ridicule, focus on other’s imperfections and quirks; imperfections and quirks are what we see.
Many people choose to take the “easy way out.” Rather than go an extra four miles and take their trash to the free landfill, they go under the cover of darkness and covertly dump their debris when they think no one is looking.
I could focus on the irresponsible actions of the people who would rather trash the desert than drive the additional four miles to drop their building debris or cast-offs at the county landfill. But that would require them being responsible, caring or showing up at the appropriate times that the dump is opened. Not everyone is awake and conscious of the impact of their actions. Many people only think of themselves, rather than the footprint that they leave behind. I choose to focus on the pristine beauty that I see when I look in the other directions away from the debris. I can choose to walk in places where there is little or no trash on the sandy road. Our focus is a matter of our choosing.
Acceptance Versus Condemnation
Do you choose to focus on the fact that your partner makes a weird face when they are focused on something intensely? Thinking how much you hate that face they make? Or do you choose to think of them with lovingly acceptance and those characteristics as a part of the one you love. Do you look at your partner with eyes of love and acceptance, or through eyes of hate, judgment and perfectionism?
BLESS YOUR SPOUSE
For several years when I first lived in Georgia, I attended Mount Bethel United Methodist church. The preacher, Randy Mickler, a big Georgia Bulldogs football fan, was and still is a fabulous minister. His sermons were heartfelt, profoundly inspiring and memorable. One particular sermon spoke to me, as I was having issues in my marriage. He spoke of “Blessing your spouse.” He went on to say, that instead of focusing on what you don’t like about your spouse, and complaining; to BLESS THEM. This entails speaking highly of them. Revering them with your thoughts and words. He said to never speak ill of your spouse to another.
To this day, I have worked to live by these words with everyone I meet. When we focus on the good, rather than the negative, we magnify the good and the negative fades away. Randy Mickler has been the pastor at Mount Bethel for over 27 years. That says a lot about him and his teachings. His services are streamed live and the podcasts can be found on their website, on the media tab.
Here is the link if you are interested. http://mtbethel.org/
What You Focus On GROWS!
When I attended Mt. Bethel, I was married to an obsessive compulsive man. Dogs would sometimes bark in nearby yards at night. He would focus like a laser on that barking dog, getting more upset with each bark. I chose not to pay attention to the dog’s noise, rolling over to fall asleep. He would angrily throw the covers off and stomp out of bed. He would throw up the window, yell out the windows at the barking dog, becoming even more upset. All his anger and focus on the barking dog served no positive benefit. In fact, his focus caused more suffering. He made up stories in his head about the people and how they deliberately left their dog barking to disrupt his rest. “How could they be so disrespectful and ill mannered (among other things)?”
Focus On Beauty and Beauty Is What You See
Choosing to focus on the good, will change the way you view the world around you and your relationships. It is like being happy. You can choose each day to focus on the negative, like the fact that you stubbed your toe. Amplifying the negative will turn the rest of your day into a downhill slide. Or you could do an about face and think, “Good things are happening in my life right now!” Even rain changes to sunshine eventually.
It is my prayer that with through proceeds of my book, Orgasm For Life, I will enlist the people of Mojave and Rosamond to help clean up the debris and trash in the Mojave desert, restoring it to it’s original pristine beauty. It is a beautiful place. Awareness of the fact that each of us has a personal responsibility to clean up our own issues. Through coaching, spiritual practise and focus we each will awaken and become conscious. With consciousness comes responsibility for our personal actions. Like picking up after ourselves, our dogs and taking trash to the waste receptacle or dump. Whether the debris you clear out is personal to you or your relationship, you help to raise the vibration of the world by doing so. Isn’t it time you did your part?